You guys, I have good news: It’s totally possible to enjoy the savory and sweet flavors of a meal with the Colonel, minus the part where you actually consume a bucket of fried animal appendages bursting with artery-clogging cholesterol and fat. Because that’s gross.
But you know what’s not gross? Plants. Chickpeas, for example, are super good for you. They’re full of fiber, protein, vitamins, antioxidants and other goodies. And they also lay the foundation for a damn fine chickun patty.
Plus, coleslaw definitely doesn’t require cows’ milk and chicken eggs to do a tasty and cool cabbage-and-carrot dance on your pallet.
And, as it turns out, you can easily whip up a flufftastic buttermilk biscuit without the use of any animals at all. Not a one.
Chickpea Chickun Patties
This recipe is an adaptation of Happy Herbivore Lindsay Nixon’s Chickpea Tenders, which you can find in her fabulous book, “The Everyday Happy Herbivore.” I opted to throw in some paprika and liquid smoke to amp up the flavor. And while I used Lindsay’s poultry seasoning recipe (below), I use a different chicken-style broth powder.
- 1 15oz. can of chickpeas, drained and rinsed
- 2 1/2 Tbsp chicken-style broth powder
- 1 tsp poultry seasoning (recipe below)
- 1 tsp Dijon mustard
- 1 tsp low-sodium tamari (or regular soy sauce)
- 4-5 drops of liquid smoke
- 1 tsp paprika
- 1/3 cup vital wheat gluten
- 3 Tbsp water
Poultry Seasoning Ingredients
Grind up the 1 Tbsp of each of the following dried herbs with a mortar and pestle until they’re course, but not powdered:
- Marjoram (or oregano)
- Parsley (or basil)
- Preheat the oven to 350, and line a cookie sheet with parchment paper.
- Using a potato masher or a strong fork (my fork kept bending. I am clearly not wealthy), smash up your chickpeas in a large bowl until they’re totally broken down. You don’t want to see any whole peas.
- Add in all your ingredients, except the vital wheat gluten and water, and stir until combined.
- Stir in the vital wheat gluten and water, until a gooey dough forms.
- Knead the dough with your hands for a minute or two, shape it into a ball, and then let it rest for about 10 minutes.
- Form the dough into four equal-sized patties, and space them evenly on your cookie sheet.
- Bake for 10 minutes on each size, twice, to cook for a total of 40 minutes (so, you flip them over four times).
I wholeheartedly agree with Lindsay that these are great served warm, but they’re even better cold on a sammich with some barbecue sauce or mayo. Nomnom. They would also make fabulous nuggets, I just wouldn’t cook them as long (probably about 20 minutes).
Simple Vegan Slaw
- 3 carrots, shredded
- 1 head of cabbage, shredded
- 3 radishes, shredded
- 1 cup vegan mayo (I used Veganaise)
- 4 Tbsp vinegar
- 2 Tbsp sugar
- 3 Tbsp almond or soy milk
- A dash of salt and pepper
- In a large bowl (seriously, go big, because you need room to toss your slaw), combine the mayo, vinegar, sugar, milk and spices, and whisk them together until you have a smooth sauce.
- Add in your shredded veggies, and gently toss until they’re all coated.
- Cover the dish in plastic wrap and let chill in the fridge for a few hours before serving.
I cannot overstake the flaky yumminess of these biscuits. You will be amazed, and have an instant desire to buy stock in coconut oil. I found these little gems over at Chez Bettay: The Vegan Gourmet, but I thought the directions were a little hard to follow when broken up by all the delicious pictures, so they’re reprinted here with some notes from B.
- 2 cups sifted flour (I used unbleached white all purpose flour)
- 3 tsps baking powder
- 3/4 tsp sea salt
- 1/4 cup solid coconut oil
- 2 Tbsps solid coconut oil for glazing
- 3/4 cup almond milk
- 1 tsp apple cider vinegar
- Preheat the oven to 450 degrees.
- Combine the flour, baking powder, salt and coconut oil in a food processor, and pulse a few times until the flour forms pea-sized clumps. Be sure not to over process.
- In a separate cup, stir the vinegar into the milk (this makes the mock buttermilk).
- Slowly pour the buttermilk mixture into the processor as you pluse, until it starts to form a dough ball — then stop. You’ll have a sticky lump, and not all the ingredients will be combined, but that’s how it should be.
- Dump your dough out onto a floured surface and sprinkle with some more flour.
- Roll the dough into a ball, and use your palms to flatten it to a 3/4″-thick circle.
- Using a biscuit cutter (or a glass) cut out as many biscuits as you can. (With a 3″ biscuit cutter, I made six).
- Place the biscuits on a cookie sheet, and brush with the remaining coconut oil and then bake for 10-ish minutes (until they’re fluffy and golden).
And there you have it, a delicious one-piece meal with slaw and a biscuit, all based solely upon the wonder that is plants.