Kentucky Fried Vegan: Chickun Sandwich, Coleslaw and Biscuit Meal

Picnic ready.

You guys, I have good news: It’s totally possible to enjoy the savory and sweet flavors of a meal with the Colonel, minus the part where you actually consume a bucket of fried animal appendages bursting with artery-clogging cholesterol and fat. Because that’s gross.

But you know what’s not gross? Plants. Chickpeas, for example, are super good for you. They’re full of fiber, protein, vitamins, antioxidants and other goodies. And they also lay the foundation for a damn fine chickun patty.

Plus, coleslaw definitely doesn’t require cows’ milk and chicken eggs to do a tasty and cool cabbage-and-carrot dance on your pallet.

And, as it turns out, you can easily whip up a flufftastic buttermilk biscuit without the use of any animals at all. Not a one.

Chickpea Chickun Patties
Serves 4

This recipe is an adaptation of Happy Herbivore Lindsay Nixon’s Chickpea Tenders, which you can find in her fabulous book, “The Everyday Happy Herbivore.” I opted to throw in some paprika and liquid smoke to amp up the flavor. And while I used Lindsay’s poultry seasoning recipe (below), I use a different chicken-style broth powder.

Ingredients

• 1 15oz. can of chickpeas, drained and rinsed
• 2 1/2 Tbsp chicken-style broth powder
• 1 tsp poultry seasoning (recipe below)
• 1 tsp Dijon mustard
• 1 tsp low-sodium tamari (or regular soy sauce)
• 4-5 drops of liquid smoke
• 1 tsp paprika
• 1/3 cup vital wheat gluten
• 3 Tbsp water

Poultry Seasoning Ingredients
Grind up the 1 Tbsp of each of the following dried herbs with a mortar and pestle until they’re course, but not powdered:

• Rosemary
• Thyme
• Sage
• Marjoram (or oregano)
• Parsley (or basil)

Step-by-Step

1. Preheat the oven to 350, and line a cookie sheet with parchment paper.
2. Using a potato masher or a strong fork (my fork kept bending. I am clearly not wealthy), smash up your chickpeas in a large bowl until they’re totally broken down. You don’t want to see any whole peas.
3. Add in all your ingredients, except the vital wheat gluten and water, and stir until combined.
4. Stir in the vital wheat gluten and water, until a gooey dough forms.
5. Knead the dough with your hands for a minute or two, shape it into a ball, and then let it rest for about 10 minutes.
6. Form the dough into four equal-sized patties, and space them evenly on your cookie sheet.
7. Bake for 10 minutes on each size, twice, to cook for a total of 40 minutes (so, you flip them over four times).

I wholeheartedly agree with Lindsay that these are great served warm, but they’re even better cold on a sammich with some barbecue sauce or mayo. Nomnom. They would also make fabulous nuggets, I just wouldn’t cook them as long (probably about 20 minutes).

Simple Vegan Slaw
Serves 10-12

Ingredients

• 3 carrots, shredded
• 1 head of cabbage, shredded
• 3 radishes, shredded
• 1 cup vegan mayo (I used Veganaise)
• 4 Tbsp vinegar
• 2 Tbsp sugar
• 3 Tbsp almond or soy milk
• A dash of salt and pepper

Step-by-Step

1. In a large bowl (seriously, go big, because you need room to toss your slaw), combine the mayo, vinegar, sugar, milk and spices, and whisk them together until you have a smooth sauce.
2. Add in your shredded veggies, and gently toss until they’re all coated.
3. Cover the dish in plastic wrap and let chill in the fridge for a few hours before serving.

Buttermilk Biscuits
Serves 6

I cannot overstake the flaky yumminess of these biscuits. You will be amazed, and have an instant desire to buy stock in coconut oil. I found these little gems over at Chez Bettay: The Vegan Gourmet, but I thought the directions were a little hard to follow when broken up by all the delicious pictures, so they’re reprinted here with some notes from B.

Ingredients

• 2 cups sifted flour (I used unbleached white all purpose flour)
• 3 tsps baking powder
• 3/4 tsp sea salt
• 1/4 cup solid coconut oil
• 2 Tbsps solid coconut oil for glazing
• 3/4 cup almond milk
• 1 tsp apple cider vinegar

Step-by-Step

1. Preheat the oven to 450 degrees.
2. Combine the flour, baking powder, salt and coconut oil in a food processor, and pulse a few times until the flour forms pea-sized clumps. Be sure not to over process.
3. In a separate cup, stir the vinegar into the milk (this makes the mock buttermilk).
4. Slowly pour the buttermilk mixture into the processor as you pluse, until it starts to form a dough ball — then stop. You’ll have a sticky lump, and not all the ingredients will be combined, but that’s how it should be.
5. Dump your dough out onto a floured surface and sprinkle with some more flour.
6. Roll the dough into a ball, and use your palms to flatten it to a 3/4″-thick circle.
7. Using a biscuit cutter (or a glass) cut out as many biscuits as you can. (With a 3″ biscuit cutter, I made six).
8. Place the biscuits on a cookie sheet, and brush with the remaining coconut oil and then bake for 10-ish minutes (until they’re fluffy and golden).

And there you have it, a delicious one-piece meal with slaw and a biscuit, all based solely upon the wonder that is plants.

Bon appétit!

All aboard the biscuits and gravy train

Mmmm…gravy.

I could eat breakfast food for every meal and be the happiest of campers. Songs of joy would emanate from my metaphorical tent. And one of my favorite dishes is a big ole plate of biscuits smothered in gravy.

Fortunately for me, and unfortunately for my wallet, I live about 15 minutes from both Chicago Diner (“meat-free since ’83”) locations, which serve up some magically delicious brunch items all week long — including to-die-for biscuits and gravy.

From the lovely pages (27 to be precise) of their cook book comes this biscuit recipe, which I quartered to make five biscuits instead of 20.

I know what you’re thinking and, sure, I could have frozen the leftovers. But would I have? Or would I have eaten all 20 and then fallen into a lengthy food coma? I think we all know the answer.

Anyway, for those of you with self control, here’s the recipe for all 20 glorious biscuits. One change: I used whole wheat flour versus standard unbleached because I am a damn rebel.

Ingredients

• 5 cups unbleached flour (I used whole wheat)
• 1 1/2 Tbsp baking powder
• 1 tsp baking soda
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 11/2 sticks vegan butter (or 12 Tbsps. I did the math. You’re welcome).
• 2 1/2 cups soy or almond milk
• 1 Tbsp lemon juice or white vinegar

Disco whole wheat biscuits

1. Preheat your oven to 425.
2. Mix together your three dry ingredients in a large mixing bowl, then stir in the butter with a fork until there are little clumps.
3. Add the milk, lemon juice (or vinegar) and stir until you have a knead-able lump of dough.
4. Plop your dough lump onto a floured cutting board or counter, and knead it for one or two minutes, until the dough is smooth.
5. With a rolling pin (or wine bottle), roll the dough out until it’s a half-inch thick.
6. Use a cookie or biscuit cutter (or juice glass, if you’re me) to cut out your biscuits.
7. Place the biscuits on a cookie sheet covered in parchment paper, and pop them in the oven for 12 to 15 minutes.
8. You’ll probably have a little bit of dough leftover. Mold that into a biscuit-like shape, and include it on the cookie sheet with its more attractive brethren. Also, name it something cute so it feels better about itself. I recommend Scooter.
9. When they’re all done, place the little guys in a bowl, and cover them with a towel to keep them warm.

For the gravy, I used this out-of-sight and too good to be true recipe from the Vegan Fusion cookbook, with a few alterations, including that I once again used whole wheat instead of unbleached flour. Like I said — damn rebel. This makes four cups.

Roux Ingredients

• 4 Tbsp unbleached flour (I used whole wheat)
• 4 Tbsp olive oil
• 2 Tbsp filtered water

The Rest of the Gravy Ingredients

• 1 Tbsp olive oil
• 1/2 small onion, diced
• 1/2 cups mushrooms, sliced thin
• 2 cloves of garlic, minced
• 2 cups of vegetable broth
• 1/4 cup soy sauce
• 1/4 tsp nutmeg
• 1/4 tsp cayenne pepper

Good gravy

1. Make the roux by mixing the flour, olive oil and water in a small bowl until it makes a thick paste. Then set the roux aside for later.
2. Using the rest of the olive oil, sauté the onion and garlic in a medium skillet or sauce pan for two minutes on medium heat, stirring occasionally.
3. Add in the mushrooms to the onion and garlic and sauté for two more minutes, stirring occasionally.
4. Stir in the broth, soy sauce, nutmeg and cayenne and cook for two more minutes on low heat, stirring occasionally.
5. Scrape in your roux paste and cook the whole mixture until the gravy is thick, about 10 minutes. Make sure to stir it frequently so it doesn’t burn.
6. If you want to thicken up the gravy more, just sprinkle in some more flour — but make sure to whisk it in well so it’s not clumpy.

That’s it! Chow down!

This dish also, in my experience, is excellent alongside some tofu scramble with sautéed mushrooms, red onion and green pepper. Plus the leftovers store nicely in the fridge for a few more delicious breakfasts.

Bon appetit!